The Super Bowl is an easy out for any self-respecting food columnist. The only thing more synonymous with the Super Bowl than--duh--football is the marathon of stuffing one's face with wings, dip and a plethora of deep fried classics.
So, naturally, my column right before the big show should play to the tune of "Top 10 Ways to Give Your Friends Heart Attacks," or maybe, "44 Foods Shaped Like Drew Brees' Hair." Right?
Wrong-o.
Instead of following the path most travelled, I'm going to savagely take advantage of this platform allotted me to talk some major Super Bowl smack. Don't fret, though. I'll make it food related. Somehow.
Peyton Manning is the Man(wich)
Break out your favorite meat-product and chow down this Sunday while watching Peyton Manning be generally awesome. Aside from his unprecedented four MVP awards, his glimmering Super Bowl ring from '07, and his roguish good looks, the middle Manning is just plain hilarious. Remember when #18 was on "Saturday Night Live?" If his passes to Garcon are nearly as accurate as his throws that beam small children in the back/head, then the Colts have this one in the bag.
Reggie (Bruce) Wayne's Got Wings
Since Val Kilmer in "Batman Forever," there's been nothing that flies smoother into a party than buffalo wings in a variety of sauces. Chow down and sit back while Mr. Wayne dazzles the Saints' defensive secondary with his blazing speed and wits. So, according to my equation, Reggie = Batman and The Saints = The Joker. You, me and Heath Ledger all know how that equation pans out.
Reggie Bush Bakes Beans
Don't forget to adorn your dining room table with a piping hot crock pot of America's favorite sweet baked beans. Sure, Bush is talented. He's dangerous. He's elusive. But he's as inconsistent on the field as he was in Kim Kardashian's bedroom. I mean, why else would that relationship not have worked out? If elementary recess has taught me anything about beans, it's that "the more you eat, the more you toot," so to finish off my stretched metaphor, Reggie Bush is smelly.
The Saints are the Under (Mini Hot) Dogs
One thing we can all agree to celebrate is that, finally, yours truly can root for the team that's not coming into the game last place, far fetched and Bo-Sox-esque. If nothing else, the Colts are winners, which makes eating those crowd-pleasing, smile-winning mini hot dogs even more satisfying. And to all of you who don't have a team in the game Sunday and who naturally root for the underdogs, cut me a break. You're talking to the girl who's been an Indiana Pacers fan since birth. And I know that more than a few of you Browns fans out there feel my pain every time Brady Quinn steps into his uniform.
So, naturally, my column right before the big show should play to the tune of "Top 10 Ways to Give Your Friends Heart Attacks," or maybe, "44 Foods Shaped Like Drew Brees' Hair." Right?
Wrong-o.
Instead of following the path most travelled, I'm going to savagely take advantage of this platform allotted me to talk some major Super Bowl smack. Don't fret, though. I'll make it food related. Somehow.
Peyton Manning is the Man(wich)
Break out your favorite meat-product and chow down this Sunday while watching Peyton Manning be generally awesome. Aside from his unprecedented four MVP awards, his glimmering Super Bowl ring from '07, and his roguish good looks, the middle Manning is just plain hilarious. Remember when #18 was on "Saturday Night Live?" If his passes to Garcon are nearly as accurate as his throws that beam small children in the back/head, then the Colts have this one in the bag.
Reggie (Bruce) Wayne's Got Wings
Since Val Kilmer in "Batman Forever," there's been nothing that flies smoother into a party than buffalo wings in a variety of sauces. Chow down and sit back while Mr. Wayne dazzles the Saints' defensive secondary with his blazing speed and wits. So, according to my equation, Reggie = Batman and The Saints = The Joker. You, me and Heath Ledger all know how that equation pans out.
Reggie Bush Bakes Beans
Don't forget to adorn your dining room table with a piping hot crock pot of America's favorite sweet baked beans. Sure, Bush is talented. He's dangerous. He's elusive. But he's as inconsistent on the field as he was in Kim Kardashian's bedroom. I mean, why else would that relationship not have worked out? If elementary recess has taught me anything about beans, it's that "the more you eat, the more you toot," so to finish off my stretched metaphor, Reggie Bush is smelly.
The Saints are the Under (Mini Hot) Dogs
One thing we can all agree to celebrate is that, finally, yours truly can root for the team that's not coming into the game last place, far fetched and Bo-Sox-esque. If nothing else, the Colts are winners, which makes eating those crowd-pleasing, smile-winning mini hot dogs even more satisfying. And to all of you who don't have a team in the game Sunday and who naturally root for the underdogs, cut me a break. You're talking to the girl who's been an Indiana Pacers fan since birth. And I know that more than a few of you Browns fans out there feel my pain every time Brady Quinn steps into his uniform.
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