Johnny "Cougar" Mellencamp topped the nation's music charts when he wrote the song that tried to explain the thin line between kissing someone's face off and pummeling them in the stomach. "Sometimes love don't feel like it should," kids, and if the Coug has taught us anything, we should learn to embrace it. These are my top ten favorite flavors that shouldn't belong together, but somehow continue to send me to foodie heaven.
10. A slice of turkey on a blueberry muffin: It's breakfast. It's lunch. Let's not call it brunch because that's what all the grandparents call it. How about we go with Lunchfast? Or Lunch Break? Fine, "brunch" it is.
9. Fritos dipped in caramel: A classic born at my lunch table in high school. And it's much more appetizing than the weird Milk + Italian Dippers (which were just yesterday's hotdog buns with melted cheese on them, for the record) combo that was created at the boys' table.
8. Cold pizza sprinkled with garlic salt: I like this better than fresh-from-the-microwave pizza. Next time you go to nuke that piece of Papa John's, just say no. It's gross. And we're all judging you.
7. French fries dipped in vanilla soft serve: Another one of those don't-mess-with-em classics. I feel like if Jenny and Forrest were food, this is the form they would take. Although, I don't know how much I like my vanilla soft serve all sexed up and tripping on acid.
6. Pumpkin seeds covered in buttery brown sugar and salt: I made this Wednesday night after carving a pumpkin at the Union. The only thing better than the looks I got while walking home with a plate full of pumpkin guts was the sweet and salty double punch from these delicious seeds.
5. Mint gum and beer: Yes, I'm one of those college students who doesn't like beer. Sorry. I know there are more of you out there like me in hiding, so I offer this tiny bit of advice. Next time you get harassed into a game of beer pong, pop a piece of Orbit. It curbs that delicious "tin can" flavor that lives in most people's kegs.
4. M&M's in movie-buttered popcorn: This shouldn't-be combo makes me feel just the right amount of bad. You know, coming in 10 minutes after curfew, feeding a stranger's expired meter kind of bad.
3. Bacon dipped in maple syrup: My butt and thighs scream no, but my tongue and tummy disagree. Winner, winner chicken dinner, tongue and tummy. Or, I guess it'd be "winner, winner pork dinner." But that doesn't have the same ring to it.
2. A slice of cheese on warm apple pie: Whoopi Goldberg and company said it best in the movie Sister Act. "This is better than ice cream! It's better than springtime! It's better than sex! (Awkward Pause) No, I mean - I've heard."
1. Eggs in Purgatory: Day old mashed potatoes. Marinara sauce. Fried eggs. Put them into the metaphorical blender, and where three separates existed, only one dreamy piece of culinary mastery emerges. Add an egg and a handful of pancake mix to the leftover taters. Pan fry into a potato pancake. Finally, top with a butter-fried egg and a dollop of warm spaghetti sauce.
10. A slice of turkey on a blueberry muffin: It's breakfast. It's lunch. Let's not call it brunch because that's what all the grandparents call it. How about we go with Lunchfast? Or Lunch Break? Fine, "brunch" it is.
9. Fritos dipped in caramel: A classic born at my lunch table in high school. And it's much more appetizing than the weird Milk + Italian Dippers (which were just yesterday's hotdog buns with melted cheese on them, for the record) combo that was created at the boys' table.
8. Cold pizza sprinkled with garlic salt: I like this better than fresh-from-the-microwave pizza. Next time you go to nuke that piece of Papa John's, just say no. It's gross. And we're all judging you.
7. French fries dipped in vanilla soft serve: Another one of those don't-mess-with-em classics. I feel like if Jenny and Forrest were food, this is the form they would take. Although, I don't know how much I like my vanilla soft serve all sexed up and tripping on acid.
6. Pumpkin seeds covered in buttery brown sugar and salt: I made this Wednesday night after carving a pumpkin at the Union. The only thing better than the looks I got while walking home with a plate full of pumpkin guts was the sweet and salty double punch from these delicious seeds.
5. Mint gum and beer: Yes, I'm one of those college students who doesn't like beer. Sorry. I know there are more of you out there like me in hiding, so I offer this tiny bit of advice. Next time you get harassed into a game of beer pong, pop a piece of Orbit. It curbs that delicious "tin can" flavor that lives in most people's kegs.
4. M&M's in movie-buttered popcorn: This shouldn't-be combo makes me feel just the right amount of bad. You know, coming in 10 minutes after curfew, feeding a stranger's expired meter kind of bad.
3. Bacon dipped in maple syrup: My butt and thighs scream no, but my tongue and tummy disagree. Winner, winner chicken dinner, tongue and tummy. Or, I guess it'd be "winner, winner pork dinner." But that doesn't have the same ring to it.
2. A slice of cheese on warm apple pie: Whoopi Goldberg and company said it best in the movie Sister Act. "This is better than ice cream! It's better than springtime! It's better than sex! (Awkward Pause) No, I mean - I've heard."
1. Eggs in Purgatory: Day old mashed potatoes. Marinara sauce. Fried eggs. Put them into the metaphorical blender, and where three separates existed, only one dreamy piece of culinary mastery emerges. Add an egg and a handful of pancake mix to the leftover taters. Pan fry into a potato pancake. Finally, top with a butter-fried egg and a dollop of warm spaghetti sauce.
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